Tuesday, February 10, 2015

I finished all of the Radiation Therapy and am glad it is done. I managed to make it through the last 3 rounds without much pain, I just seemed to get into the right position on the table. I also took an additional pain pill before just to help. Now I am starting to deal  with the intense sore throat that comes from being fried by the radiation. It will last for the next few weeks and makes it hard to swallow. I also found out that from all the steroids that I have been taking I now have Thrush. It is a fungus/yeast infection of the throat, it comes with an intense burning and it makes it hard to swallow. Add both throat issues together and taking medication as well as eating is so brutally painful that I really have to be careful as to how I eat etc. I am on some medication that is helping with the thrush but it is still going to take time to heal.
 The last few days have been full of therapy and Doctors appointments. They have also been full of trying to get used to being paralyzed from the belly down. This has been the hardest thing to deal with at the moment. To go from being able to move and at least shuffle around walking to being confined to a wheelchair and trying to move and function with all of this extra dead weight below the waist is so hard. I can't do much at all by my self. I know this will change over time as I learn to adapt but for now I feel so helpless. I just sit in the wheelchair or I lie in bed. I can't dress myself, I can't even barely adjust myself in bed, I need someone to move my legs and to help me roll over even. This is such a drastic adjustment to life. 
I know that the Lord has plans for us and that there is a purpose in all of this. I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I still have a full life to live, there is life after this new circumstance, He will help us. Somehow he will help us.
I Love my family so much, they have been there for me through all of this right now. They want me to succeed. They believe in me. This is what I need right now as I am struggling to believe in myself. I find that I am having a really hard time believing in myself right now. The doubt, the fear, the disappointment I feel right now is so overwhelming I need the boost that those around me are giving. I am grateful for it.
Somehow I make it to another day, time goes by, it passes, sometimes ever so slowly, and the nights are so long, sometimes sleepless, sometimes, restless, but the new day comes and  I get to start over, wondering what the day will bring. Will I be able to endure this day well? What new challenges will come? How will I conquer them? How will I be able to cope emotionally? Being on the steroids I am on have been so hard, they really mess with your emotions, I mean REALLY mess with them. I cry over the littlest things, I get frustrated really easy, I am fine one minute and the next I am a basket case. I will be getting off of them once I get home and it will be a slow process to get off of them but once they are out of my system I am hoping to be able to cope with things much better.
I can't thank my wife Amy enough for being my Rock through all of this, she is so full of faith and hope. She is there for me on the phone any time of day or night. She lifts my spirits when they are down and makes sure I know how much she loves me. She reassures me that no matter what happens, we are in this together and that we will make it, no matter how hard it may seem. I love her with all my heart. She is the love of my life. 

1 comment:

  1. Chad: You CAN do this! You are right that the steroids are creating havoc with your emotions. Once you are off of them, you will feel so much better. We will remember you and Amy and your wonderful family in our prayers.